The stress is the metric.™
Continuous cortisol telemetry. Synced to every story point.
One charge lasts an entire sprint.*
From $0/employee. Cost is recovered in recaptured velocity within 1.4 sprints.
For decades, employee suffering went un-instrumented — invisible to the dashboard, impossible to optimize. CortiWatch closes the loop. Every microgram of cortisol, captured, graphed, and attributed to the ticket that caused it.
A medical-adjacent micro-array samples interstitial fluid every 90 seconds. No needles. No consent friction. Just a clean, continuous stress waveform streamed to the cloud.
Pairs silently with the office mesh the moment you badge in. Range-aware: leave the building and CortiWatch logs the gap as "unscheduled wellness," flagged for review.
Your live cortisol reading is stamped onto your active ticket, right next to the story points. Engineering managers finally see the true cost of a 13-pointer.
Engineered to last exactly one two-week sprint. It dies at retro, recharges over the weekend, and wakes up ready for planning. You and your watch, in perfect cadence.
The platform continuously asks one question: can this person take more? If your stress sits below target, you have unused capacity. CortiWatch will find it.
The titanium band reports its own removal. "Watch offline" events are surfaced in the People Analytics suite and weighted into your quarterly Engagement Score.
A new column in your sprint board. Cortisol, live, per assignee — graded against the organizational target band. Green means there's room to push. You'll never under-utilize a human again.
Manager view · Sprint 47 · "Velocity Above All." Rebalancing actions are applied automatically unless overridden within the 4-minute window.
The self-report is dead. Standup theater — "yeah, I'm good, bit busy" — is replaced by a single source of truth radiating from your forearm at 23.4 micrograms per deciliter.
When an employee's stress reads below the optimal band, that's not wellness — that's waste. CortiWatch automatically assigns additional scope until the desired cortisol level is reached. Nobody is left under-stimulated.
Filter your entire workforce by real-time stress. Identify your "high-headroom" performers. Build sprints that run every human at precisely 87% of their biological ceiling — the scientifically-validated sweet spot for sustained extraction.*
They tell you about your body. CortiWatch tells the organization. That's the difference between a fitness tracker and a productivity instrument.
| Capability | CortiWatch Enterprise | Consumer Smartwatch |
|---|---|---|
| Continuous cortisol telemetry | ✓ Included | — |
| Streams biometrics to your employer | ✓ By default | — |
| Attaches stress to Jira story points | ✓ Native | — |
| Auto-assigns work to under-stressed staff | ✓ Always | — |
| Reports its own removal | ✓ Tamper-evident | — |
| Can be turned off by the wearer | Not applicable | ✓ |
| Belongs to you | Property of NeuralHR | ✓ |
"We used to lose visibility the moment someone left their desk. Now I can see Dana's cortisol from my phone at 11pm. Velocity is up 31%. I sleep great."
"The calibration engine found 19% of unused stress capacity across my team in the first sprint. Nineteen percent! That was just sitting there. Unbillable."
"Onboarding was seamless. The clasp is genuinely premium. My only note is the wrist becomes a little raw around day 9, but the data quality holds."
*The employee does not pay. The employee is the price. Billed to the organization, per wrist, per month.
CortiWatch is designed for continuous wear. Off-wrist intervals are logged as "telemetry gaps" and surfaced in your manager's morning digest. The Sovereign tier monitors through sleep and PTO to ensure baseline accuracy. We find most employees stop trying to remove it after the first sprint.
Low cortisol indicates unused capacity. The Adaptive Workload Calibration™ engine will assign additional story points to your active sprint until your reading returns to the organizational target band (18–24 µg/dL). This is automatic and requires no action on your part. You're welcome.
Absolutely. Your data is private to you, your manager, your skip-level, the People Analytics team, the Adaptive Calibration engine, our cloud processor, and any acquirer in the event of a liquidity event. It is never sold — only "shared with trusted velocity partners."
Participation in the Wellness Program is voluntary in the same way that being employed is voluntary. Employees may request a Calm Exemption, reviewed quarterly. Exemption status is reflected in your Resilience Score, which informs promotion calibration.
Yes — engineered to deplete precisely at retro. Some teams report it dies slightly early during particularly stressful sprints, which we consider a feature: an honest watch for honest velocity. Charge it over the weekend. It'll be awake before you are on Monday.
No. CortiWatch is satire. If any part of it felt plausible for a beat too long, that's the joke — and also the point.
Stop guessing how hard your people are working. Start measuring it — to the microgram, in real time, attached to the ticket.